After half a century, I finally get it. I am a Gen Xer! I definitely have symptoms of persistent trauma. Despite my good upbringing and loving parents, the truth is that I am suffering inside from abandonment issues, attachment issues, emotional neglect.
But I know it isn’t conscious or intentional hurt that was inflicted on me. I can’t go around upset with people who themselves were suffering inside when they raised me, from their own cluster of traumas.
“They didn’t have it to give.”
Frankly I also think my parents got very stupid guidance about child rearing (“Let them cry themselves to sleep.”)
They somehow also believed I could raise myself and my sister while they were working, simply because they had done the same thing and anyway I was smart and mature.
To their credit they have evolved and now pay me copious amounts of attention. But there is a big gaping wound, a gash, and it never healed at all. I remember almost nothing from my childhood. Like, barely anything at all.
This really bothers me.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Ouch, ouch. It hurts.
I need to face, process and accept the fact that the past cannot be changed,
For so many years I tried to fix my pain by being superhuman.
That doesn’t work.
It never works.
I ran away from the hard work of facing what is broken inside me.
I pretended I did not need anyone else to help me.
But to heal, just the opposite is true.
The advice in this video is true as well.
Give it to God, and let His loving healing in.
I wrote this in the hope that putting the pain down on paper, instead of bottling it up inside, would help me along my personal journey of healing.
If it helps you to know you’re not alone in your particular trauma, then I am glad.
By Dr. Dannielle Blumenthal (Dossy). All opinions are the author’s own.
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