Writing by Dr. Dannielle Blumenthal

I was verbally sexually harassed at work a long time ago.

It was a woman who started it.

We used to meet once a week for a general update staff meeting.

There was something very strange about her. In a roomful of very vanilla professionals, she kept saying inappropriate things. Not at me or about me personally, but she dragged the conversation down into the gutter.

Before she started doing this, things were fine.

Sure my second-level supervisor, on the day I was hired, called me “Diane” as if he didn’t even know who he had hired. But people do sometimes mess up “Dannielle” (my given English name and the one I use professionally — only my family and the Jewish community calls me Dossy).

Sure, this same individual, a highly respected person, also said — no, I am not making this up — that he gets “good deals at Men’s Wearhouse” and somehow related this to a Jewish man who worked there. I didn’t think it was the worst thing — after all another former boss said I was very “East Coast.”

Looking back I can see the faint outlines of the red flag flying over his head: “I am a sexist Jew hater” it read. But I needed the job to work out. So I didn’t look too closely.

Fast forward maybe a year. I felt safe in this job, in this place. I was part of the team. My work was praised. All was well or so I thought.

Then the guy started acting funny. He would turn red when I was in the room. And that lady kept saying perverted weird things around the group. I got a bad feeling.

However, again, I ignored it. I am a very stubborn Pisces. I can completely ignore things that are bothersome.

I note that in this job, we would sometimes travel together. I was the “communications lady” around very senior and technical men. I was too young and stupid to know how they might be looking at me, as “fresh meat.”

But thankfully nothing happened.

My immediate supervisor seemed like a safety shield. He was a known “good guy.” Was very respectful. Had won awards for…equal employment opportunity. Surely he would protect me!

I would get the bad feeling and then let it go.

Eventually I was handed a big assignment. I would have to get instructions directly from the second-level supervisor. Keep in mind that I had ghostwritten a few articles for him prior, had worked in his office on those articles with him, and…nothing happened. It was fine.

But he was not fine. And as oblivious as I tried to be about the vibe, I had to protect myself somehow.

So I recruited a colleague, who happened to be Jewish, to attend the project meeting with me.

This colleague sat to my right, while the top guy sat at the head of the conference table.

The meeting commenced and said senior person started talking. As he spoke, he looked directly at my colleague.

After a few seconds my colleague said to him, “It’s her project. Talk to her.”

I didn’t get what was going on exactly, but I sure was glad I had brought the colleague, who went into full “this is BS” mode.

At that point I think the colleague may have left the room. Maybe I told him he could go. I don’t remember, but I do know I couldn’t openly verbalize why I wanted him there in the first place.

The senior guy seemed flustered trying to describe what he wanted from this project, a report.

Then he seemed to compose himself. But what we got, wasn’t exactly composed.

He picked up a sheet of white paper and held it sideways.

“I want you to lay it out like a Playboy,” he said to me.

All of a sudden my world stopped. A Playboy? WTF was he talking about?

I thought to myself, a very strange thought. Isn’t that an old magazine? Who reads Playboy?

Then I realized. I was dealing with a very socially awkward dude…who literally has a Playboy collection, maybe that he got from his dad…

Ewww!!!!!

My brain snapped to attention and put two and two together. I, the comms lady, was the centerfold in this awkward person’s fantasies.

And now we all knew.

Somehow this horrible meeting ended. My colleague and I left the room. I was mortified. I knew I was in big trouble. That this guy has embarrassed himself, had done a bad thing, and was going to take it out on me.

So I called a follow up meeting with my immediate boss and this head guy to get the report specifications out of the way. I brought all the documentation about the project, to show that I was doing my part.

Well, wouldn’t you know it. It didn’t take long before the senior guy got uncomfortable again. And this time, he started yelling.

That particular job didn’t last long, but it left me feeling extremely bad about myself. I felt deeply ashamed.

Having to hold it in made it worse; going to HR was out of the question. Nobody is going to do anything over one remark.

Before I left that job for another position, there was some kind of office party. People wished me well in my new venture. I pretended nothing was amiss and said goodbye to everyone, including the senior guy.

He could barely look at me.