Two questions come up a lot in discussions about divorce in halacha:
- If a woman behaved badly or went to civil court without a halachic basis, does that give a man the right to withhold a Gett?
No. In halacha, two wrongs don’t make a right. Withholding a Gett to extort, punish, or gain leverage is forbidden — it’s called get me’useh and violates lo toneh, the prohibition against oppression.
Poskim including Rav Moshe Feinstein, Rav Hershel Schachter, and the RCA have been clear on this.
Going to civil court without beit din first may itself be a halachic problem under Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 26:1.
But the remedy is to address it in beit din.
Beit din can sanction her, require her to withdraw, or impose penalties.
Her violation doesn’t cancel his independent obligation to give a get when the marriage is over.
The two issues are handled separately, not used against each other.
- If Beis Din finds her a “rebellious wife” — a moredet — does that mean she can’t leave?
Not exactly. Moredet status is mostly about financial consequences, not a life sentence in the marriage.
A moredet is a wife who refuses marital obligations without halachic justification.
Under Shulchan Aruch Even Ha’ezer 77, if Beis Din declares her a moredet:
- She forfeits her ketubah if they divorce
- She loses rights to support while refusing
- Beit din publicizes her status to pressure reconciliation
What it doesn’t mean is “she’s trapped.”
If she says me’is alai — “he is repulsive to me” — with a valid reason, many Rishonim and Rema 77:2 rule that Beis Din does force him to give a Gett after 12 months.
If she has no valid reason, classic psak is Beis Din won’t force him immediately.
But even then, most contemporary Batei Din won’t allow a man to hold her indefinitely.
After prolonged separation with no chance of shalom bayit, many dayanim rule chayav l’garesh to prevent iggun.
And moredet status still doesn’t permit get abuse. If Beis Din hasn’t obligated him yet, he can wait — but withholding the get specifically to punish or extort remains forbidden.
The principle:
Halacha treats these as separate dinim.
Her obligations and his obligations are adjudicated by beit din independently.
One person’s violation doesn’t create a heter for the other to violate halacha.
The path is always through a competent Beis Din that can rule on both the civil court issue and the get issue.
Every case has unique facts.
For psak l’maaseh, a qualified beit din and toanot/attorneys need to be involved.
Written with the help of AI.
Writing by Dr. Dannielle Blumenthal 