When there is a problem, the first step is to admit that there’s a problem, and then you go on to diagnose the root of the problem, the options for solving the problem, and the risks and benefits of each; you test a solution, and then you go forward—roughly the order of operations.
Accordingly, I think this issue of the so-called “agunah crisis” is incorrectly framed.
We hear that it is always the woman who is the victim.
That framing in and of itself creates another barrier to fixing the problem.
Because you take a man, you demonize the man right from the start, and that’s where you lose his participation.
The reality is that the Jewish community is always at odds with the modern world.
There is a sociological phenomenon—and I’m a sociologist, I’m not a rabbi—there is a sociological phenomenon that is undeniable, and that is that people get married, and increasingly they divorce at rates that are unbelievable. Rates of 50% or 60%, and these are rates that are completely incompatible with the Jewish idea that you get married and you stay married. Now, if you subtract all the other variables, what this issue is fundamentally is not an abuse-of-women issue, even though the halakha admittedly is uneven.
In my opinion, the issue is coming to grips with the reality that many Jewish couples will get divorced, and there is a need for a humane divorce. One that respects that these were decent people when they got married. Life may have introduced stress, they may have had unacknowledged problems, it didn’t work out, or maybe one of them is crazy and truly mean. That’s there.
But at the end of the day, there has to be a framework that they can engage in that doesn’t leave one of them feeling beaten up and automatically blamed for every problem.
When it comes to making Jewish divorce a more humane process, that is a key issue that needs to be addressed.
Writing by Dr. Dannielle Blumenthal 