One of the most painful things I see on a daily basis is women doubting themselves and putting themselves down.

• Just yesterday, I heard a woman say that she was ‘a terrible public speaker’ and say all sorts of other negative things about her ability to do her job, even though she seemed perfectly competent to me.
• A second mentioned that she had plenty of ideas but was waiting for an ‘opportunity’ to voice them instead of just bringing them up.
• A third said that although she was mistreated, it was probably her fault for not communicating properly—claiming that is what led to the mistreatment.
• Yet another mentioned that she keeps getting tasked with mundane work and doesn’t know how to step away from it, even though there should be a procedures document in place and she isn’t actually required to do those tasks.

Interestingly, just as frequently as I see women putting themselves down, I also see men standing up for women, actively respecting them, and defending them.

When I look for the root of this insecurity, it seems to stem from a complex mix of factors:

• Socialization and Conditioning: Many women are conditioned from a young age to prioritize being likable, agreeable, and accommodating over being assertive or taking up space.
• The ‘Confidence Gap’:There is a documented tendency for women to underestimate their own competence while societal pressures often critique them more harshly for the same assertive behaviors that are praised in men.
• Internalized Bias: Constant exposure to messages that label them as less capable can lead women to internalize these views, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy where they blame themselves for systemic issues.
• The Burden of Perfectionism: Intense societal pressure to excel in every sphere of life—career, home, and relationships—can cause women to perceive even minor mistakes as total failures.

Over and over again, from the most microscopic levels to the big picture, I see women beating themselves up and being beaten down by the world.

It is exhausting to watch.